It’s Always Sunny: The D.E.N.N.I.S. System (11/19/09)

Another week, another Sunny. This week it appears as though Dennis is going to finally reveal some of his secrets to getting women, although in the past I don't know that we've actually seen him get with too many women so I'm a little leery as to how well this so-called system works. I guess we'll find out tonight! And on a side note, did everyone pick up A Very Sunny Christmas? You can find our review of the ridiculous Christmas special here.

The D.E.N.N.I.S. System

Dennis tells the gang how he seduces women, but none of them can get the hang of it.

I'm warning you now, the recap below got a little long, I may have gotten slightly carried away with documenting everything that was going on, but it seems like they packed a lot of good stuff into this episode.

The D.E.N.N.I.S. system is the system that Dennis uses to seduce women and make them fall in love with him, even though they don't know how madly in love with him they are, which is evident by the hateful voicemail his last conquest leaves for him, which he proudly plays for the gang.  And that is how the show opens, with this voicemail from a girl that is obviously quite pissed off at Dennis. It's at this point that Dennis sits everyone down to the explain the DENNIS system. It's a series of steps, of which the first letters of each step spell out DENNIS, thus the DENNIS system.

D - Demonstrate value
E - Engage Physically
N - Nurturing Dependence
N - Neglect Emotionally
I - Inspire Hope
S - Separate Entirely

Dennis explains how he Demonstrated his value to a cute pharmacist by forging a prescription and and telling her that his grandmother was very sick, thus making himself look like he has value. After explaining this Frank jumps in with his technique. He would have bought a box of magnum condoms thus demonstrating that he has a monster dong, which Dennis shot down and instead suggested that he have a magnum condom peaking out of his pocket when he goes to pay, much better plan.

The next step is to ask her out and move on to the next step which is to engage her physically. Dennis explains that he tries to get to this step to without going on the date at all because it's a waste of time. He takes a girl to a restaurant that doesn't take reservations, but he instead walks her in front of a restaurant that is always closed on Sundays at which point Dennis offers to just get a pizza and watch a movie back at his place. This is where Mac comes in, he sits on the couch pretending that there is a black widow spider in his room so he can't go in there, thus forcing Dennis and the girl to eat pizza and watch a movie on Dennis' bed, which eventually leads to sex. Great line here, when the girl says "Pizza's good" Dennis' response "You're the one that's good", then they start to make out.

The next step comes after you've had sex, naturally all women will then become dependent on you for things. Nurturing dependence is making the girl depend on you for things. Dennis suggests slashing her tires or having her car towed in order for her to depend on your for a ride. Or his personal go to is to create a fictional angry neighbor of which you will take care of. In actuality it's Dennis calling her using a threatening voice, from a pay phone.

The next step is to Neglect Emotionally, stop taking her phone calls, cancel all plans, call her back as the angry neighbor but don't rescue her this time. Dennis' angry laugh when it cuts back to the bar was classic. And this is the best time to move on with the next step to Inspire Hope. Dennis shows up at the girls window and explains that he was distant because he was scared she was going to break his heart at which point they bang. This scene is hysterical, playing Take My Breath Away in the background we see Dennis and the girl against a blue background as they bang. And after the sex comes the last step, Separate Entirely, which is where Dennis sneaks out the window never to see her again.

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Its Always Sunny: The World Series Defense (10/22/09)

Here is the plot line for tonight's episode of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, it looks like green man may be making an appearance. I'll be back tomorrow with a rundown of the episode.

The World Series Defense

The gang go to court to talk their way out of a parking ticket they got on the night of the final game of the 2008 world series.

(Updated with a transcript of Mac's love letter to Chase Utley after the jump below.)

When Dennis gets a series of parking tickets worth over $1000, the gang heads to court to plead their case and hopefully get the tickets revoked. The story starts with the gang getting ready for the game at the bar, Frank and Charlie are itching like crazy due to bed bugs as Mac is making Riot Punch (gatorade mixed with everclear to taste) to tailgate. Everyone is wearing Phillies colors except Dennis, until he rips his shirt off displaying paint on his chest. Then they start discussing their plan, apparently in the bottom of the 9th Dennis and Mac are going to start fighting which will cause a distraction while Dee runs out on the field and kisses a player. Charlie then jumps in saying he wants to jump onto the field and run around as Green man, but Mac and Dennis defend the Phillie Phanatic which pisses off Charlie.

It then comes to light that Frank left the tickets back at the apartment so they split up, Charlie and Dennis head to the parking lot to tailgate while Frank, Mac and Dee head to the apartment to get the tickets only to find out that the building is being fumigated for bed bugs. Mac decides that he's going to scale the building, cut a hole in the tent and climb in, thus limiting the exposure time.

Meanwhile at the parking lot Dennis and Charlie try to figure out a way to sneak in to the game. Charlie seems to think that there is a secret tunnel from the stadium back to the hotel so that opposing players can get to the hotel safely without Phillies' fans beating them. The other idea is for Dennis to jump in front of a car and then threaten to sue unless the passengers give them their tickets. Charlie can't do it because he's already done it too many times and is afraid this time could be his last, but Dennis convinces him to do it anyways. So they stand behind a parked car waiting for an expensive car to drive by so he can jump in front of it, but as a Mercedes comes down the lot Charlie pushes Dennis in front of the car. And on top of all of that the passengers of the car saw Charlie push Dennis so they didn't give up the tickets.

Back at the apartment building Mac fails miserably at scaling the building because he can't get a good grip, but Frank has an idea. He finds a garden hose and sucks on one end as he goes in the building, leaving the other end outside to pump fresh air in the building. While Frank is doing this Dee is trying to decide who to run out on the field and kiss. Mac pushes Chase Utley because apparently he wrote a love letter to him, he even put cute little stickers on it. And this isn't the only letter that Mac as written... apparently Mac wants him to read the letter and realize that he's always wanted a younger brother, but then Dee informs him that Chase is like 5 years younger than him. It is then that they realize that the hose that Frank was using to breath fresh air was no longer on the outside of the building so they go in to save him, but all end up choking in the hallway with the tickets nowhere to be found.

So back at the parking lot Dennis is all banged up after getting the car, but Charlie has an idea on how to get tickets. He puts on Greenman and goes up and starts talking to the Phillie Phanatic who starts giving him shit. Eventually Charlie loses it and starts beating on the Phanatic, which then causes the other Philly fans to start beating up Charlie.

So Mac, Dennis and Frank make their way to the parking lot with their eyes full of blood from the poison. They need to come up with another way to get into the game and off the top of his head Mac comes up with scaling the facade, but Dennis informs him that he only works out his glamor muscles and there's no way he could scale the stadium, which then leads to a push-up contest both in the parking lot and in the court room.

Charlie wanders back over after getting hammered by the Phillies fans which reminds Dee of the tunnel under the hotel. Charlie and Dee seem to be the only ones that believe the rumors of the tunnel, but with no other option the gang heads to the hotel basement to look for it. They find a room that looks like it could lead to a tunnel, it turns out it's a linen closet, but Charlie is sure that there is a secret tunnel behind a shelf because that's where the secret tunnels are in scooby doo. While they are looking for a tunnel the door locks behind them and locks them in. It's then that Charlie finds a secret tunnel which leads them into a dungeon with murdered Philly fans.

Cut back to the court room and the judge asks if they really found the dungeon, but it was a lie to spice up the story because they felt that the judge was losing interest. It then comes to light that the gang was stuck in the linen closet for 6 days which is how the parking tickets were amassed. The judge decides that the parking tickets stand and Charlie and Dennis call kangaroo court and then Charlie brings up his counter-suit against the Fanatic and is promptly escorted out of the court room.

It was a decent episode, not as great as some of the previous ones this season, but it was nice to see Greenman in another episode and the preview for next week looks pretty good. What did you guys think of last nights episode?

And based on popular search results pertaining to this post I have transcribed Mac's Chase Utley love letter after the jump, enjoy.

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