I Want To Be The Queen of The Guidettes…

… That is just one of the many ridiculous lines uttered in MTV’s new “reality” show Jersey Shore. I had heard a little bit about the show from reading friends’ facebook status’ alone, but it wasn’t until a buddy compared it to 2 hours of internet memes did I finally decide to tune in. The football games kind of bored me yesterday and I had no desire to watch the Brett Favre suck-off fest (even though the Vikings ended up losing) so instead we decided to check out this fun filled, stereotype driven romp through the Jersey Shore and we were not disappointed (and by we, my girlfriend was just as interested as I was).

The show follows 8 people, 4 guys and 4 girls, as they take the summer and travel to the Jersey shore for long nights of partying, jagerbombs, tanning, spiky hair, protein shakes and don’t forget fist bumping, lots and lots of fist bumping. Everything you have ever heard regarding the guido stereotype is portrayed in this show. I have seen and heard lots of stories about these tan, kissy-face people, but I have never actually seen them in their natural habitat. Wow, I don’t really know what else to say about this and the worst part is I don’t even think these guys are the worst when it comes to being guido. I’m sure there are other guys out there that are 100 times worse than these people, but this is just fuel for the stereotype, but this is how these people live their lives.

I don’t even know how to describe what I witnessed last night, it was as if Al Queda decided to go to Jersey and suicide bomb a paint store, but that paint store was out of stock of every color except orange. And when the 20-somethings surrounding the blast walked away, it had caused their hair to stick straight up, they were all covered in orange paint and somehow they came up with the brilliant idea to get back at the terrorists by taking steroids and going to the gym 7 days a week only to become distracted by themselves in the mirror and completely forgot about the terrorists. Throw some fist pumping and music without lyrics in there and that’s what you get.

The best part is that the girls actually look for a guy like this. Snickers (or snooki or whatever the fuck she wanted to be called) even came out and said that she wanted to be “The Queen of the Guidettes” and she was specifically looking for a guy with spiky hair, on roids, big muscles and so tan you would think they were black. How could anyone find that attractive? I guess if you look like a burnt troll that just crawled out from under a bridge you would think that was attractive… who knows, but if you have an hour to kill or 2 for the season premiere, I would suggest at least giving this train wreck a watch. It’s totally cliche to say this, but it’s like a bad car accident, you don’t want to look, but you just can’t look away… because maybe, just maybe, that car accident involved 2 buses full of guidos and guidettes on their way to making America look even worse.

I think if Al Queda did see this show they would feel so bad for the East Coast that they would apologize for 9/11.

I leave you with an animated gif from an upcoming episode of the show. Snickers/snooki is seen here getting cold clocked in the face after she apparently confronted some drunk dude at the bar after he stole her drink. I feel bad for the dude in the middle just trying to order a drink when he gets jacked in the nose as well. (The guy in the middle isn’t even a cast member on the show).

jerseyshorepunch

And if you still can’t picture a guido in your head after my amazing description above, I’ve posted a picture after the jump that should clear things up for you.

(more…)

Tagged with:
 

The Thirteenth Floor

I finally got a chance to check out this movie, The Thirteenth Floor, after it’s been sitting on my table for the past week, I hate leaving netflix movies sitting for too long I feel like I’m not getting my money’s worth.

So I sat down and watched this flick last night not expecting too much. I couldn’t recall hearing of any of the main actors before although I did recognize a few faces when it started. The movie is about a team of computer software engineers that create this simulation sort of like The Matrix, where you lay down and your brain is transfered into the computer and you take over the body of another person inside the simulation. The simulation was programmed to represent Los Angeles in 1937 and there were certain characters that were modeled after the main characters and other people they knew in real life. So the old guy that leads the team of engineers/programmers has been moonlighting inside the simulation and banging young women. It’s obviously just a simulation and not real life so as long as the timer is set to pull him out automatically, there really aren’t any consequences to getting his rocks off with young showgirls.

While on one of these sex journeys to the past he leaves a note with a bartender telling him to give it to Douglas, then he comes back to the real world and is carved up like a turkey (killed). Before he’s killed he calls Douglas and tells him that he left a message for him in the system. So of course Douglas has to go into the simulation and try to retrieve this message from the bartender who took it upon himself to read the letter and turn him into a hostile asshole. So the rest of the movie is about Douglas trying to figure out who killed the old man and why.

Ok, now there are going to be some spoilers that will seriously ruin the end of the movie. So if you plan on watching the movie anytime soon and don’t want the entire plot ruined for you I would stop reading now.

The big twist in the movie is the fact that what Douglas and his team think is the real world is actually another simulation. There are, in a sense, three different worlds here. The real world, which has created a simulation, Douglas’ real world, which as subsequently created another simulation, the 1937 world. Douglas’ world is a simulation and it’s also the first simulation to ever create a simulation within a simulation. Apparently the actual real world has a bunch of these simulations that residents can hang out in and tool around with to get away from the actual real world. And this is exactly what the old man found out, he discovered that what they thought was the real world was actually a simulation.

Apparently these simulations only cover a certain area of the world, a city, and once you venture out to the end of the world all you see is green grid lines indicating that you have reached the limits of the simulation. This is what the old man wrote in his letter which then caused the bartender to drive his car to the limits and realize that his world is a sham. So then he goes rogue and tries to kill Douglas when he’s in their world romping around.

Ok so that’s basically the movie, but I do have a couple questions that didn’t really make sense to me. At one point in Douglas’ world, his assistant guy plugs into the simulation to check it out and since his alter-ego in the simulation is that bartender he takes over his body. So he’s driving around the simulation looking like the bartender, but then he gets hit by a car and killed. When he’s killed he wakes up in his world (Douglas’ world), but he’s not himself, the bartenders personality and mind has now jumped from the simulation to the “real world”.

So if you die in the simulation, since your brain was transfered into the computer, you die, I get that. It’s just like The Matrix, but in this case apparently whoever’s body you took over in the simulation now jumps out to your world and takes over your body. I don’t understand how this would work since when you go into the simulation only your brain is copied into the simulation, the other person that you’re taking over’s brain is not copied back to yours. So how does the simulation brain jump out into the world above it?

Another problem I have with this is how do they control this? In Douglas’ world it’s not really an issue because the simulation is a very secret project and only 3 people total in the movie have ever gone into it, thus negating something like this happening frequently. However, since Douglas’ world is a simulation itself there is a world on top of it and this world has personal simulators that people wear at home just laying around the house. They are like futuristic looking headphones that you wear and they plug you in to the simulation. Now if everyone has access to technology like this in the future world, you would think that this situation of someone dying in the matrix would happen fairly often, thus bringing simulated personalities out of the simulation on a regular basis. I know if I had access to a simulation like this I would be doing all sorts of death defying things and probably killing myself on a regular basis. It is just a simulation, I know it’s a simulation whether the other people in the simulated world know it or not… so why should dying there harm me at all?

So while the movie was good it did leave me with a few questions that just don’t seem to make sense to me. If anyone else has seen the movie can you offer an explanation? Maybe I missed something, maybe the brains were copied back and forth, I don’t know, I just don’t understand. Oh, but props to that old dude for using the simulation has his personal whore house…. I bet he had a blast.

Tagged with:
 

Here’s the story. I pull into my apartment complex Friday after work and notice someone is parked in my spot (assigned parking spaces). I stopped and gave a little tap on the horn, but the guy obviously didn’t know what I wanted so he didn’t do anything. Now there’s an empty space next to mine (nobody lives in that unit currently assigned to that spot) so I pulled in next to the guy, rolled down my window and tried to get his attention by yelling and another honk of the horn, but this guy was oblivious to me… until he opened his door right into the side of my car… he knew I was there now.

He rolled down the window and just kind of gave me a look, didn’t apologize, just kinda looked at me until I proceeded to get annoyed. I had every intention of politely asking the guy to move from the spot so I could park my car and go inside, but now that he decided he wanted to slam his door in my car and not even apologize I wasn’t going to be nice anymore. Now for those who know me, you know that I am not a very big guy and normally I don’t like confrontation, but I can also read people pretty well and know when I’m not really in danger of getting my ass kicked, although I’m sure I’ll misjudge someone at some point.

So I got out of my car and repeated asked the guy if he was kidding… Basically my way of saying “what the fuck”. I then told him that first of all he was in my spot, which he then asked me why I didn’t just ask him to move… ugh, then I asked him if he always went around and slammed his car door into other people’s property. As he’s moving his car to another spot all he can say is “It was an accident, don’t you know what an accident is?” I said sure, I’ve been in a couple lately (none of which were my fault) and usually the person who causes the accident covers the damage. Now there really wasn’t any damage to my car, just a tiny nick on the door bumper guard thing, which actually might have already been there. So it wasn’t really a money issue, but more of some idiot not wanting to take responsibility for doing damage to my property without so much as a sincere apology. He then sarcastically told me I could call his insurance company if I really wanted to.

Obviously I wasn’t going to do this as it wasn’t worth my time, but then I asked him how he would feel if I went up and kicked his car, to which he replied, “Go ahead, I don’t care, it’s just a car, it’s a piece of junk”. Now his car was kind of a piece of junk, granted it was an Infiniti, it’s an older QX4 and it looked like more than one person had opened their door into his car. But either way I wasn’t going to come down to his level and kick his car. My car, however, is not a piece of junk and I take pride in the fact that it’s very clean, so I was a little annoyed at this comment.

After about 5 minutes of arguing with the guy, which was going nowhere, I decided to just let it go, but not before taking a picture of his car. I know there was absolutely no reason to take the picture, but he knows where I live, he was picking up his daughter or something, so obviously he had to drop her off again, so I guess it was just piece of mind in case I came out the next day and my windows were smashed or something.

So now my question is, what’s the proper etiquette when it comes to a door ding? I know everyone, including myself at one time or another, have accidentally opened their door into the car next to us, but not a lot of us have done in while the person is sitting in the car next to them. I know if I opened my door into a car and there was someone in it, the first thing I would do is apologize. Obviously I didn’t mean to do it and it was obviously my fault, so it’s only the right thing to do. 9 times out of 10 there’s not going to be much damage from a door ding, a lot of times it’s just a scuff and you can usually get them buffed out, so do you offer to pay? Or if it was your car that got hit and the person sincerely apologized, would you ask for money? Had the guy in my situation been nice about it and apologized, I probably would have just dropped it, but what would you have done in either situation?

Tagged with:
 

2009 Grammy Awards

I wanted to make a post about the Grammy Awards when it was over, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to sit through this crap much longer so I’m writing it now. I really only wanted to see MIA, TI, Lil Wayne, Jay-Z and Kanye West perform Swagga Like Us, just because I thought it would be interesting. Personally I can’t stand Kanye West, but I think the performance will be decent, but sadly I don’t think I’m going to last that long. I can’t stand watching people present awards to songs that are so fuckin shitty it’s a wonder someone actually thought they were good enough to promote *cough* coldplay *cough*. And how is Coldplay considered a Rock Band and put in the same category as Metallica? That makes no sense at all.

So I’ve decided I will not write a re-cap post about the Grammy awards and I will not tell you who in what categories, because it’s pretty pointless if you ask me. I’m switching over to MTV now to check out Rob Dyrdek’s new show along with Travis Pastrana’s Nitro Circus and I’m even going to give The College Humor show and that other news show a shot. We’ll see how good those last 2 are, but I’m really looking forward to Travis and Rob. I’ll be back in a bit to post about them.

But before I change over… why the fuck does Morgan Freeman have a fake hand?

Tagged with:
 

Is CSI The Only Show On TV?

I’m sure I’m not the only one that’s noticed that it seems like no matter what time of the day it is, you can always find an episode of CSI on tv. Are there no other shows in syndication that these cable networks feel like playing? I’ve been wanting to do this randomly one day and today was a perfect day since I’m just sitting around the house doing nothing. I wanted to pick a random day of the week and see just how often CSI is actually on TV. When I say “CSI” I’m referring to all of the different versions, CSI (Las Vegas), CSI: NY and CSI: Miami, and when I refer to “TV” I’m talking about basic cable.

What I found actually kind of surprised me. I don’t know if this is typical for every day of the week (even though it seems like it) or if Spike just happened to be running a marathon today. I checked TVguide.com from the time I woke up this morning (7am) to midnight tonight which is 17 hours. So how many hours (of the 17 I checked) do you think that CSI was on any basic cable channel?

If you guessed 10 of 17 hours, guess again… the correct answer………….. 14 hours!!! CSI appears on TV today, 14 out of 17 hours!! That’s absolutely insane. It was mostly comprised of CSI: NY on Spike, all day, with a few episodes of CSI: Miami thrown in there on A&E. I was a little surprised that CSI (Las Vegas) wasn’t on at all today, which is also why I’m guessing it’s a CSI: NY marathon on Spike.  So there you have it, if you love CSI you should aways have something to watch no matter what time you sit down in front of the tube. And for those that care, after the jump is the rundown of the hours and which show was actually on.

(more…)

Tagged with:
 
Get Adobe Flash playerPlugin by wpburn.com wordpress themes